Azumanga Magic Squad!
by Midoriri
Summary: In a spoof of magicalgirl shows, our six heroes are in the final episode! Not to be taken seriously. Laughs ahead. R


A young woman sat in her room, reading a magazine, blushing crimson. The magazine was full of pictures that she took pleasure at seeing; adorable little kittens sleeping, frolicking, eating, or just sitting down looking adorable. "Wow…' she breathed. "These are so cute…"

Suddenly a beam of light came from the sky and shattered her window. The young woman jumped up, screaming. "Mom's going to kill me for that!"

The light took shape and faded revealing an adorable little kitty. But this kitty had a ribbon on its head and a tiny wand charm around its neck, attached to its collar.

The young woman breathed a sigh. _It's so cute…_

Then the cat surprised her by talking! "Sakaki…you have been chosen by her majesty, the savior of all things cute, to protect the world."

"WHAT!" gasped Sakaki.

"Yes. Take this wand. With it, you can transform into a warrior strong enough to defeat the evil that is so unspeakable, I cannot say its name." With that, it disappeared, leaving only the tiny wand behind.

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Another young woman was in the empty school gym, dribbling a basketball. "Come on, Kagura," she told herself. "Make this shot, make the pros."

All of a sudden, a bright light erupted from the scoring board and a weird-looking creature with a basketball for a head appeared before her. Kagura dropped her ball. "WF?" she exclaimed.

"Kagura, you are brave enough and strong enough to fight against the unspeakable evil. Take this magic basketball, and with it, you can transform into a most fearless warrior."

"With that it disappeared, leaving behind a basketball.

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A little girl was sitting at her chair, doing some leftover homework, when a light came from her book! The little girl squealed in her cute way and scrambled backwards. The light took the form of a pencil.

"Chiyo," it squeaked. "You have been chosen. Use me, and you will become a cute little warrior powerful enough to defeat the unspoken evil!"

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Two young women were sitting on a bed, facing each other and…pulling at each other's cheeks.

"Damn it Tomo, why do you always have to make fun of my diets?"

"Damn it, Yomi, why do you always have to yell at me for slacking off!"

Suddenly, two beams of light erupted from the pillows and took the forms of an ice-cream, and a meat-ball sub. "Tomo, Yomi," they squeaked. 'Use us. Take a bite out of our heads and you will become fearless warriors strong enough to overcome the evil."

"Will it be good exercise for me?" asked the girl in glasses.

"Um, yes?" said the meatball sub.

"THEN I ACCEPT!"

"Whoa, anything for good food, huh Yomi?"

"SHUT UP TOMO!"

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A young woman was sitting in her room, staring into empty space, a silly grin on her face. All of a sudden, a beam of light came out of nowhere and, taking the shape of a doll with removable pigtails, talked to her.

"Osaka…you have been chosen…" she squeaked.

Osaka slowly turned her head to stare at the doll. "Hey…" she said in her slow way. "You look like itty-bitty Chiyo-chan."

"Um, yes, I do. But now! Use my pigtails to transform into a powerful warrior, strong enough to defeat the unspeakable evil!"

Osaka looked slowly back around in a daze. "Use pigtails to defeat evil, huh? Wow, that's kinda surreal…"

Pause

"You know what, I bet I can also use a pig's bladder tot defeat something, rather than a tail. I guess the smell'd knock anyone out…"

The doll sweatdropped. "Just take the pigtails."

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After meeting each other, having several misunderstandings, and defeating random monsters, the girls all faced the unspeakable evil that lay ahead…okay it was the evil pervert wizard Kimura.

"Well, girls," he said through his wide-open mouth. "You have bested the monsters I put in your path throughout all 51 episodes of Azumanga Magic…"

"WHOA!" cried Tomo. "It's been 51 episodes already? Man, time flies when you're a popular magical-girl team series with a theatrical film under its belt!"

Osaka stared at her. "When the film comes out on video and DVD, will it still be a theatrical film? Or will it be a videocal film? Or a DVDcal film?"

Kagura sighed. "Osaka, get with the program. We're up against the guy who made us go through hundreds of monsters, possessed friends, weird villains, and a guy who was possessed and all we had to do was tell him we loved him to break the spell, but then he died saving us."

"Yeah!" agreed Yomi. "You'll pay for that!"

"Oh, I think not," said Kimura. "For you see, I have a secret weapon!"

The wall slid around, revealing a girl in a school uniform chained to the wall. "OH! My friends are here!"

Tomo was dumfounded. "WHOA! She recognized us!"

Yomi smacked her. "You idiot, we haven't transformed!"

Sakaki stared at the girl. "Koarin. I'm sorry we never told you."

One by one the girls began to transform, with lots of pretty colors and sparkles.

"NEKOKO POWER UP!"

CHOMP! "MAGICAL DIET, POWER UP!"

CHOMP! "WILDCAT, POWER UP!"

"CUTEY TIME, POWER UP!"

"BRYANT COURT, POWERUP!"

"WHY IN THE HECK, PIGTAIL POWER UP!"

Koarin watched in amazement as her friends all transformed into the girls who had been taking care of he mysterious monster problems; "THE AZUMANGA MAGIC SQUAD!

Chiyo wore the standard sailor-suit uniform, but with a magical pencil-staff. Kagura was dressed in a basketball uniform with armored shoulder-pads, dribbling a glittering basket-ball. Tomo and Yomi were in the uniform that is typically seen at Anna Miller's, balancing trays on their hands. Sakaki wore a pink frilly dress, with lots of ribbons. She also had cat ears and a cat tail with a ribbon attached to it. Osaka looked the same, except for wings, but her eyes held intelligence (which explains why no one figured out _her _secret identity, her intelligence was lost when she went back to normal).

Koarin's eyes widened. "Oh my gosh! It was you all along! No wonder you were never around when the monster attacked! And no wonder I couldn't decide if I was ore attracted to Sakaki or Magical Nekoko."

"Yes, it was your friends!" boomed Kimura. "But they cannot save you from your fate! As was hinted in episodes 30-41, and again in the last episode, you are the power o defeat these girls incarnated!"  
The Azumanga Magical Squad gasped, except for Osaka. "Oh please, with my superior intellect, I saw it coming a mile away."

Koarin gasped. "Oh, wow! Osaka is that you?"

Kimura swept a hand toward the girls. "You know them as Sakaki, Tomo, Yomi, Chiyo-chan, Osaka, and Kagura. But heir magical identities are (in order) Magical Nekoko, Wildcat High-School Girl, Magical Diet, Cutey Schoolgirl, Angelic Okaso-chan, and Magi-Sport!"

Gasp! "My friends are the Azumanga Magic Squad! Oh my gosh!"

"YES!" cried Kimura. "And now, so that they will not ruin my plan to bring your power out of you to destroy them, I release my two main HENCHWOMEN!"

Out of the blue, toe sexy women appeared.

"OUR TEACHERS!" gasped Cutey Schoolgirl, aka Chiyo-chan.

"That's right!" retorted Yukari, dressed in a sexy midnight-blue witch costume. "It was us! Witch-Chan and my always single, can't get a date companion, Magi-Sensei!"

Magi-Sensei, aka Nyamo, was dressed in pretty conservative clothes and wore a pointed black hat. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T GET A DATE? Just for that, I'm joining these girls!" And she stormed over to where the Azumanga magic Squad was standing.

Wildcat High-school Girl cheered. "ALRIGHT! In magical-girl shows, there's always a least one reformed villain and _we get the better one!_"

"WHAT! I'm TONS better than Magi-Sensei! Watch! _Drunken Rage Attack!"_

A pink energy blast came from Witch-Chan's mouth, hitting Magical Nekoko in the face. Her eyes went blank and she readied her magic wand, murmuring "Under evil's spell, must destroy friends, under evil's spell, must destroy friends, under evil's spell, must destroy friends…"

Angelic Okaso-chan jumped toward Magical Nekoko. "Koarin loves you! We're your friends!"

Instantly, Magical Nekoko's eyes went back to normal. "What happened?"

Magi-Sport gave the thumbs-up. "That _always_ gets hypnotized friends back to normal!"

Magical Diet aimed her food tray at Witch-Chan's face. "EAT THIS!" A blast of food came out of the tray, hitting Witch-Chan directly in the mouth. "AARGH! NO, NO, IT'S HIGH IN FAT AND CHOLESTEROL! NOW I CAN'T GET ANY DATES!"

"See how you like it!" cried Magi-Sensei.

Witch-Chan twitched and fell to the ground in a heap. Kimura glanced away from Koarin.

"Aw, darnit, why didn't I start the spell while they were fighting?"

Magical Nekoko retorted "Because in magical-girl shows, there's always time for defeating you!" With that, she aimed her staff at Kimura. "EVERYONE HELP ME ATTACK!"

"EAT THIS!" a blast of food.

'HYPER-ACTIVIYT!" a loud group of dolls.

"PIG-TAIL POWER!" rocket pigtails.

"SLAM-DUNK OF DOOM!" super-sonic waves from a basketball.

"CUTEY-PROBLEM-SOLVE…BLAST!" A bunch of pink numbers.

"THE NEKO MEOW!" a lot super-sonic waves that sounded like cat meows upon impact.

Kimura jerked around as the attacks hit. When they were over, he was almost defeated. Almost…

"You forget! Villains always get TRUMP CARDS!" As he shouted those words, a beam of light burst out of Koari's forehead, enveloping her body.

"Oh NO!" cried Angelic Okaso-chan. "The power that can destroy us in Koarin has been activated!"

The glowing grew brighter, as Kimura laughed maniacally. The glowing finally subsided, and Koarin was a sexy older woman with red eyes.

"WHOA!" yelled Wild-Cat High-School Girl. "SHE'S SEXY! SHE'S TOO SEXY FOR HER SHIR-" She was cut off as a blast of red energy knocked her off her feet. She flew several yards before collapsing onto the ground in a heap.

"OH NO!" screamed Magical Nekoko. She rushed to her friend's side.

Wild-Cat High-School Girl stared up. "I just realized…magical-girl shows of this level of maturity usually have a character die. I DON'T WNNA BE THAT CHARACTER!"

"You won't be!' assured magical Nekoko, as Evil Koarin broke free of her chains.

The group tried to hold her off, but of course, she was too strong for them to face now that she was evil.

Magi-Sensei tried to reason with Kimura. "Come on, boss! So what if you can't get any high-school girls to love you! That's no reason to try and rule the world!"

"Yes it is."

Magical Nekoko ran toward her possessed friend. "Koarin, stop! I LOVE YOU!"

Koarin blinked, then shot a wide beam of energy out of her eyes. The energy hit the Azumanga Magic Squad, and they all screamed.

Magical Nekoko screamed the loudest. "Koarin, WHY?"  
The whole squad collapsed onto he ground lifelessly. It was only then, of course, that Koarin realized what she had done.

"NOOOO!" she cried breaking free of the evil hat had taken hold of her.

She ran to her friends, all dead except for the leader, Magical Nekoko. She cradled her friend's head in her lap and asked "Why?"

"Hey, don't worry…" Magical Nekoko wheezed. "In these shows, we don't stay dead for long…" And then she went limp.

Koarin screamed as more glowing enveloped her.

Kimura stared. "You know, I just realized, Koarin also has another for that gives life and could destroy-oh my God, me!"

Koarin became a glowing being with angel wings, and a white dust settled over the Azumanga Magic Squad. Blinking, they all came back to life!

Cutey Schoolgirl sat up, blinking. "We're back alive?"

"Well what did you expect?" said Angelic Akoso-chan. "In these types of stories, we never really _stay _dead."

"Yeah," chimed in Witch-Chan fro the floor.

"What the-! How did _you_ come back to life!" asked Magi-Court.

"her magic restores everyone tot life, you nimrod."

"Oh."

"And it also destroys me!" screamed Kimura as he disintegrated.

The attack left Koarin drained. She reverted to her normal self, and collapsed onto the floor, lifeless now.

"NO!" cried the Azumanga Magic Squad.

"WHY?" sobbed Magical Nekoko. "I just said I loved her!"

Witch-chan looked at her friend Magi-Sensei. "I just realized, we have a cool power too."

"Yeah, we can sacrifice ourselves to bring someone back to life."

"No!" screamed Magical Diet. "You just recently turned to the Light Side, but for some odd reason that only the writers can explain you feel like a friend to us, and we care if you die!"

"That's so sweet, but we have to. It's a cliché," said Witch-chan. And she and Magi-Sensei rose into the air, glowing, and disintegrated into dust that settled over Koarin.

Koarin blinked. "I'm alive too?"

"YEAH!" cried the Azumanga Magic Squad. "A HAPPY ENDING!"

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In the future the girls all forgot they had powers, and went their separate ways. But they could never shake the thought that magic existed and when they had their own daughters, the producers all met up and made a season two with the girl's daughters. And fan-fiction writers were happy.

THE END


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